It is 8:30 on the morning of my 28th birthday and the sun is already high in the sky, beating down as I stumble gracelessly into my fabulous Prague hotel, the Hotel Europa on Wenceslas Square. I enter into the 150 year old lobby which carries a stench of cigarette smoke from this morning and from many years gone by and I plop myself onto the faded, green crushed velvet chaise lounge. I lite up a cigarette of my own and I think to myself, “How did I get here?” Suddenly with my first drag, it all comes back to me in a wave of exhilarating yet slightly nauseating flashbacks. It began more than twelve hours ago… JUST BEFORE THE ABSYNTHE!

Prague Ghost Tour: 7:30 pm

My friend and I have opposite opinions of ghosts. We both believe in them, and she was dying to find one. I however, think that if I don’t bother them then they won’t bother me. With this in mind we were the perfect pair for an underground ghost tour of Prague, complete with a tour of the torture chambers just feet below the cobblestone sidewalks of this historical city. Our tour guide was the perfect match of creepy and informative. The other tourists on our tour left a bit to be desired, but I was content to understand that they were not the seasoned travelers that my companion and I were. While everyone was swearing that they were seeing things, I found myself getting more uneasy and toward the end of the tour I was completely chilled to the bone. I may or may not have seen a ghost, but when we all exited onto the moon lit streets, I noticed something a bit strange. There was a tiny sticker on the bottom right corner of my camera, that no one had been near except for me and it said “you’re ok.” Creepy, right?

Prague Bar: 9:00 pm
After being thoroughly freaked out by my new ghost friend who luckily deemed me “worthy” we decided to begin my birthday celebration a bit early, since my golden birthday (28 on the 28th) was the main purpose for our trip. There was no plan and no way we could have properly executed what happened next if it had been a plan. The only goal was to find a bar and drink absinthe, because as they say, “when in Rome” or in this case, Prague. We walked into the first bar we found that had the atmosphere of a “dive bar.” Upon entering, I locked eyes with a beautiful Czech man who immediately stood up, urged his friend out of his seat and offered them to us. “Oh it’s gonna be a good night.” I thought to myself.

We asked the surly bartender for two shots of absinthe and that’s we got. I was terribly confused because in my research a shot of absinth was more like a production with a spoon, sugar, a lighter… you know almost like heroine or crack. We stood there baffled until my beautiful Czech hero came up beside us and spoke to the bartender in a language that completely turned me on. Next my friend and I and the two Czech men who had apparently adopted us, had spoons with sugar, lighters and we took our first shot of absinthe. I’m a pretty seasoned drinker, but this burned like nothing I had ever tasted including Hot Damn. Of course the best way to beat is to keep on drinking it. So we did. Two more shots each… Did we pay our tab?

Enjoy other Drinking adventures from tipsy travelers.

Prague Bar: the time is beginning to blur… maybe 11:00 pm
Turns out it was one of our male Czech companion’s birthday too. So we joined their caravan pub crawl. Bar after bar, drink after drink. I remember that my goal for the night kept pouring whiskey down my throat, and at some point I turned to my friend and said, “I think he just cut me off, this coke has no whiskey in it.” She tasted it and almost choked at the amount of whiskey in the drink.

Prague Bar: time really doesn’t matter anymore… flashbacks are getting more blurry

Someone gave me a birthday sash because I definitely remember wearing one. I wonder where it came from. I’m now drinking another whiskey and coke and I know because I ordered it myself… but who am I kidding now, it could have been anything and I would have gulped it down. I definitely… oh no… I definitely asked my vacation crush and all of his friends, (cause let’s be honest, I was really ready to make out) who it was in their culture who made the first move and what was a typical first move. Oh God, I’m so embarrassed. They all laughed and then the one girl who was with them… she had the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen… said “the guy and you’ll know when he makes his move.”

Prague Dance Club: no idea what time it is or how we even go there or if we’re still in Prague
There was a long line that I’m pretty sure… oh no, I did… I threw a tantrum because I really had to pee and I still hadn’t got to make out….

The voluptuous Czech girl literally put the bouncer’s face in between her boobs and cooed in his ear. Did that part really happen….? Yes and he lifted the rope and let all of us how many of us were there…. A lot I think our group had acquired some extra members in.

Dancing. Dancing. Dancing. Oh god, I danced on a table. Danced pretty badly on a table. We danced our faces off to classic rock. Bruce Springsteen. The Stones. The Grateful Dead. Bowie. And in the middle of what I think was Brown Eyed Girl… oh yeah I finally got my wish… excuse me while I lite another cigarette…. That was some damn fine making out…ok flashbacks… my Prague crush grabs me and what follows is possibly the best vacation make out session known to man. We made out on the dance floor, on the bar… did we really make out on the bar… yes…. Oh dear… he had me on my back on the bar…. We made out on the street In front of the bar, we made out in the hallway in line for the bathroom…. And on the dance floor again…..

Prague apartment: where is my friend… did she go back to the hotel….
I remember the taxi with my vacation crush. We were in an apartment… His apartment? oh no… did we…. Were we…. Damnit absinth…. Did we? Oh… no…. we didn’t. Whew…..! Though I think that was probably the plan, I’m certain we did not. We went right to sleep. Then upon waking up he put me in cab and here I am smoking a cigarette in the hotel lobby and reveling in what is probably the best night Prague has ever seen.

My friend comes out of our hotel room and says, “ I hope you got sleep. There’s a big city out there and we gotta get to it.”

To recap reasons I love Prague:

  • In Prague you can smoke cigarettes anywhere and everywhere. Czech men love to buy drinks for southern girls.
  • If you get lost, which you will, there’s just another adventure around the corner.
  • Thank goodness for breakfast included and strong black coffee.
  • There is no time to waste on vacation, not even for a hang over.
  • Did I see the green fairy? It’s possible but I sure as hell don’t remember a green fairy….

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